Two kids. Two blessings. Two girls. One is 4.5 and the baby is 9 months. I love them both, so so much. I would’t trade the world for them.
However, I have moments. Moments that aren’t my most glorious moments. Times when I’m at my lowest, worn out, running on fumes, frustrated kind of moments. These are the times when I WISH for things to be easier. I wish for things to hurry up and move along. I wish I wasn’t in this SEASON of life right now. These wishes come into my mind…I speak them out of aggravation…and then they leave and I return to the thankful mother I am.
My friend Tracy is in a different SEASON of life. Two kids. Two blessings. A daughter and a son. One is 20 and the baby is 17:) She wouldn’t trade the world for them.
However, she has these moments. Moments of a longing, a missing, for something that once was. Times when the house is quiet, lonely, peaceful kind of moments. These are the times when she MISSES what used to be there. She misses the little hand prints on the window, and she longs to go back to the season THAT I AM IN NOW…the season I want to rush through. To wish through.
No matter where you are in life as a mother right now, listen to our hearts and see what God is telling you.
I wish I could get a full night’s sleep without anyone waking me up.
I miss when they would “sneak” into my room at night and climb into bed beside me.
I wish I could sleep in until 8 a.m.
I miss that early morning “MA-MA-MA-MA” when they were learning to call for me once they woke up… and then seeing them light up and get so excited and hold out their arms for me as I came in their room.
I wish Charlotte would just walk so I don’t have to hold her all of the time.
I miss how they would hold up their arms wanting me to pick them up and hold them. I miss how she would say “hold chu , hold chu” meaning “hold you” because we would say “do you want me to ‘hold you’??”
I wish I could just hop in the car and go without packing a diaper bag, food, and snacks.
I miss driving them everywhere. The best conversations always happened in the car. And I miss singing with them to “their music” and watching them laugh at me.
I wish the girls would take longer naps so I could get more done around the house.
I miss sitting in that big tree in the backyard with her singing and telling stories for hours and hours.
I wish I could wear cute clothes without spit up or snot on them.
I miss dressing up and having elaborate tea parties.
I wish I could go to the bathroom without an audience. Or holding a child.
I miss being able to hold them on my hip or on my shoulders.
I wish when I sat down at the computer I could get an email completed before little hands tried typing everything for me.
I miss holding their hands.
I wish my house wasn’t such a wreck half of the time.
I miss the days of playing trains and construction site and cars for hour and hours and hours.
I wish I could get a pedicure. It’s been MONTHS… (9 months to be exact)
I miss those tiny little feet and hands and those “squishy” little legs… oh my sweetness.
I wish Avery didn’t scream across the house for me because she’s out of milk.
I miss hearing him say “I Wuv you” or “Can I have Wunch” … we had to work on those “L” words… but oh so cute.
I wish bedtime didn’t take so long.
I miss telling stories, reading books and saying prayers together when I put them to bed. I miss laying with them in bed as they fall asleep.
I wish I could just lie on the couch, watch a grown-up show in its entirety, and eat a snack without sharing.
I miss Disney movies and cuddling on the couch.
(Update on February 6, 2014: I failed to recognize the women with mother’s hearts who have not been able to have children, or have lost a child. Every aspect of having children, the good and EVEN the bad, some women will never experience. Count it ALL joy, dear mommas.)
A note from Tracy:
As I thought about the days of “I wish” and my days now of ” I miss”, it made me think about the days of “I am so excited for”. There is a season and time for everything, and they are all perfect and beautiful. We need to relish in the moments of “now”, the present time. Take it in. Enjoy each and every piece of it…good, bad, difficult, tiring, fun… all of it. For there will never be a time like NOW. I starting thanking God for all my “I miss…” days instead of missing them and wanting them back.
What a blessing to have all those memories and so many more. What a blessing I have to enjoy today, this day that I have and this season that I am in. What a blessing I have to think about what is yet to come. There is so much to be excited for and look forward to. So I need to not hang on to the past, or wish away today but enjoy the moment. Each season and time of life that we are in is beautiful and wonderful in its own way.
And I know that God has been and is and will be with me through each season, each step of the way and everyday helping me, strengthening me , equipping me and preparing me for all of it. He is the one constant that I hang on to. Enjoy today , the now , the present. Be thankful for the past. Look forward to what is yet to come. There is a time for everything.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace… He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
This is so sweet. I LOVE it! 🙂
I have my two grandchildren and I am “wishing away” the days until their parents are back with them. I was feeling very down today and mad because I can’t just pick up and go hang out with my friends or eat one meal a day, wash two loads of laundry a week. This has helped me today more than anything I know. I am wishing away the days their Mom is missing. Thank you God for this message. Give me the strength to enjoy each and every moment with these two precious temporary gifts.
You are Gods Angel VL,…..What precious Assignment HE has trusted you with, and given you hopefully Health to handle! So many people have so much worse “burdens /blessings in disguise” handed to us. I envy you, You are so Blessed,..so is your daughter that God trusts You with his Gifts. ; ). … Prayers that the situation is not a life altering one for all of you. Jkg
Paige, I remember clearly where you are right now, with my Mom telling me to enjoy those times with my babies even though I was exhausted and frustrated, that too soon they would be grown up and gone. Well, that time came for me many years ago… But I know how hard it was for me. Watching them walk out the door feeling like I wasn’t needed anymore… I am so very blessed to have Jason and Kacey, their spouses and our wonderful grandchildren. Every time one of them wraps their little arms around my neck and says, “I love you, Nanny”, I close my eyes and mine are little again, and I hear “mommy” echoing from the past. God has truly blessed me with a loving husband and family and I am thankful for every day I am given with them and the people I love..
Kathy
Yep…just teared up! Can’t they stay little forever??!!
Kathy, you are so right. I read this post shared through our beautiful daughter-in-love, Amanda, fabulous Mom to Haley. We babysat Haley last month while the kids were gone on a trip and I called her our daughter’s name – twice! How quickly the years pass and I miss them, too. I’m SO THANKFUL God has allowed me to be Mimi Grandmommy to her! Take time and stay in the moment!
omg That just immediately brought tears to my eyes. Yikes.
I need to slow down.
This is such an awesome post. As we were up all night with a teething baby I needed this reminder today
And then there are those of us who very much wanted children, but were not able to have them. So many people take for granted what some of us cannot have. A good reminder to slow down and appreciate the blessings God has given you.
Kandy…there are no right words to comfort your heart… But can I ask what it is that you never want to hear from those who do have kids. We know some precious couples in our lives who have tried for years, but God didn’t have that in His plan for their lives…and as much as I don’t want to walk on egg shells when I’m with them, how can I still be a comfort, and be sensitive to that pain?
Although I am not Kandy, I hope that it is okay that I am responding to this question because I am very thankful that you have asked it. I am 31 years old and my husband and I cannot have children. I have had people (surely without thinking) say things like, “That’s sad, I’ve never had a problem getting pregnant” or (jokingly) say “I have several children I’ll let you borrow.” These people aren’t intending to be hurtful but they have no idea what a lonely and painful experience infertility is. Now this is just my personal opinion, but something that doesn’t help is when people who know our situation NEVER ask us how things are going or mention it at all…like it’s taboo or something. Some women (especially ones with babies) actually seem to avoid you when you can’t have children of your own. I’m not sure if they feel uncomfortable or if they think we can’t handle seeing them happy?
What I’ve come to realize, is that infertility is like mourning a death…you’ve basically spent most of your life imagining your life as a “traditional” mommy. This includes the exciting announcement to your friends, family, and spouse that you are pregnant. This includes identifying the characteristics of your child that resemble you or your spouse. When you find out that you will not be able to have children in the typical fashion, this dream shatters…it dies and you grieve deeply. Imagine losing a loved one and no one ever asking you if you are okay. This is what many friends and family members do to people with infertility.
Also, many people want tell you stories of couples who have experienced a miracle despite a diagnosis of infertility. Oddly, this makes you feel worse because the more stories you hear like these, yet still no pregnancy for you, you start to feel even more discouraged. Finally, people who have not had fertility issues want to tell you stories of people they know who have adopted and “love the child as if he/she were their own.” I’ve never ever been against adoption, but trust me, adoption feels VERY different when you do not have any other choice.
What it all boils down to is this: We’ll ask you for advice, suggestions, etc. when we’re ready. Until then, ask us how we are doing, let us vent and cry. We constantly hear parents complain about the struggles they have with their children, please allow us to express the struggles of NOT having children.
Great insight Jessica. Thank you for sharing your heart and story. It gives women a different perspective on infertility and I pray it softens hearts so others can better relate and lift up women like you. We each have a story. God wants us to use it to point others to him.
Couldn’t have said it any better myself Jessica. I understand exactly everything you described and you explained it perfectly. Thanks for sharing!
Amen, Kandy. My husband and I were told we could not have children other than through ivf. Cycle after cycle of failure and we gave up. I then became pregnant naturally – despite being told this was not possible – but we lost that boy at 20 1/2 weeks. I was about to turn 41 by that time. Other people face their own challenges, but I hope that if I cannot have my own children I can at least help my friends who could to appreciate their blessings even during their own difficult times.
Wendy, My heart is hurting for you after reading your story. I am so sorry…. I can relate some since I yearned for a child for over 20 years and did IVF cycles for 1.5 years…I always get upset when people complain about the stage their child is on, since I feel they fail to realize how some of us desire a child so much that we dont care having to go through the “bad” times. I am sorry again, I am praying right now for you…
Kandy, My husband and I are in that same boat. It hurts sometimes well often times, we our friends complain about their little ones. I kindly remind them, I would get up my full night sleep and my sleeping in to be woken up by a cry, or a giggle. My husband and I try to busy ourselves by watching our friends children for them. We encourage them to take dates go to the movies, or stay home and relax with a movie, while we have the children. My days when I am off from work lately are watching children from our church to help me cope with the emptiness I have in my heart. I figured it up the other day while someone was talking to me about all the pictures of I have of children on my phone. My husband and I have roughly 18 children, that we have adopted at nieces and nephews, with 2 babies on the way. We are on the west coast far away from our families, these children we adopted and their parents have helped us so much. God truly knew what he was doing when he stationed us here with the Marines. I pray every day for our children that he will someday give to us. May God wrap his arms around the parents with children, and may He hold us ever so tightly when we sob and yearn for our children.
Thanks for making me cry Paige… 🙂
God blessed us with one amazing gift, our daughter. I can honestly say I enjoyed every single day of her short 20 year life. Don’t wish your life or your children’s lives away. Your children (people and relationships) are more important than anything else you could do. There’s no more for us as far as our child goes, no wedding, no grandchildren. So enjoy and participate in everything you possibly can with your children. You can’t get those days back and you could lose days if that’s what God had planned for our lives. Blessings to all.
Roberta, I’m so so sorry for your loss. I wish we could keep our children in the safety of our care forever. I’m learning from mothers like you to breathe in every second. Thank you for sharing. Much love and God bless you!
Day 2 of my period and this has me in tears. My twins are 5 already and I miss my babies. I love to cuddle with them and the thought that someday they won’t want to anymore breaks my heart. I don’t know what I’ll do when they don’t need or want me anymore. I will always need and want them 🙁
Great now I’m sad and it’s bedtime. Sigh.
Amanda..now you’ll have beautiful puffy eyes tomorrow. I know the look;) I tell my oldest…stop growing up! I heard her saying it to the baby the other day;)
When my son turned three, I asked to stay three forever. I told him that we would celebrate his birthday every year but please stay three….he looked at me with his beautiful baby blues and said ” I can’t mommy, I have to grow up!” Not to long ago he and I were talking and I asked him if he remembered me asking him to stay three. At twenty-two years old, he said that he did remember and wished he had listened to me and stayed three! I have loved and cherished EVERY stage of his life…he amazes me everyday! 😉
Amanda, mine are almost 20 and 22 and they still “need” me. I am 46 and still “need” my mom some times. So, I don’t feel that our babies will never need or want us even though they sometimes think they don’t. 🙂
Amanda, I have 3 girls. 15, 13 and almost 4. I just wanted to share than even the older girls like to cuddle with me everyday, sometimes I felt annoyed like wanting my privacy but then I think this won’t last forever so I enjoy it.
Hugs
Patty
OH MY GOODNESS. PERFECTION. I had NO idea what I was about to read, how much I NEEDED to read it, and that it would literally cause me to not just cry, but sob. Lately I have been ‘wishing away’ way too much! Oh how I needed this! THANK YOU!!!
Awww this made me tear up.. my Twins are 6 Months Old and they are Growing Up to Fast. I Love the wah my life is with them and I couldn’t imagine it any other way!
There are also those people that don’t even have the hope to some day miss these things. Some people are not blessed with the ability to have children. Every perspective, the bittersweet and nostalgic as well as the blissful and frazzled, are nothing but a dream for some. Both should treasure the good times and the bad, because some would give so much even to know the “bad.”
First of all i have never once posted a comment on one of these, but as i enjoy writing i hope you can enjoy the feedback. This post has reached me at the perfect time in my life. I have decided to stay home after working my entire adult life and i find my thoughts filled with bits of doubting if i will resent being home or if ill be happier if i work. This post just pushed me over the edge. I never want to look back and think i was distracted from tiny hands and squishy bath times because i was afraid of my ego being hurt or not feeling important enough not working. Nothing is more important than this and you just slapped that into focus for me. So thank you!
So perfectly true
I saw your blog post on a friend’s page and wanted to thank you for including those of us who haven’t made it to motherhood, yet. The time hasn’t been right for me and my life has taken a lot of unexpected turns, but I long for the day when I will get to share in the joy that friends are experiencing as mothers. There may be a lot of griping and rough patches with being a mother, but a lot of women long for that opportunity, too. I enjoy being a stepmom, but I didn’t enter his life until he was 5. Watching him grow and develop over the past couple of years has been remarkable and a blessing, but I feel as though there was so much I missed and I still wish for the day where I can experience it all from the beginning.
Then there are those of us… Mothers that lost their babies. That wish we has diaper bags and car seats to pack in the car. That wake most nights thinking we hear a baby crying but our child isn’t there. That would give ANYTHING to be woken up or frazzled because our baby woke us up and not some bad dream when in reality our arms are now empty and our house is now quiet. Be thankful for every moment. You could be waking up to your child’s ashes In an urn instead of your precious gift being there.
You’re right Jeanette. My heart hurts for you and your loss. Prayers to you today.
The good news is we get a second chance to cherish all the beautiful baby moments when we get grand babies. When you look back, you see that all you missed didn’t matter anyway. I remember how sad I was when my younger daughter started driving. I felt like I had nothing to do. Now mine are 31 and almost 33, but they still need me – just in a different capacity. One thing I always say is, “I wanted children, not adults.” However, we just need to enjoy all aspects of motherhood, and count our blessings every day.
I have an almost 10 month old daughter, so I can relate completely to your blog post. I have definitely tried to take one day at a time and enjoy all the moments and realize that they will not last. (The good and bad moments) I also take time to thank God every day for blessing me with my daughter. I know there are some women out there dying to be a mommy and they would take the good with the bad in order to be a mom. I do feel their pain. I waited a LONG time to have a baby, so for me, I’m just enjoying it and giving thanks!!
Anjali, I’m not sure what the right words are for someone who’s arms are empty and have no little ones to care for but who desperately wanted them. I think the most important thing is to not ignore the pain that those people feel. It’s very real and there are times when it is more difficult (Mother’s Day, Christmas, Baby Showers, or when everyone is posting their kids back to school pics on Facebook!) I believe in Motherhood. It’s the greatest job a woman could have. It’s a blessing. So I don’t begrudge anyone else who has been given that blessing and opportunity in life. It helps to be involved in the lives of other peoples children. Nieces and nephews, the children of close friends, and co-workers, church youth groups and such. My husband and I have adopted the attitude that because we do not have children of our own, we want to look for opportunities to love and help mentor those children we do have some influence over. Most people don’t know our whole story and why we are a childless couple. There are circumstances that made it impossible for us to conceive and unlikely that we would ever be able to adopt. So it was never helpful when people would suggest that we could always adopt if we couldn’t have one of our own. I guess I have felt the greatest comfort when a friend makes an effort to understand the pain rather than to ignore it or minimize it. As I get older (I’m 47) it actually becomes a bit more tender and difficult as I realize all I have missed and will miss in the future. No weddings, no grandchildren, no posterity, and only my husband and I in a family portrait. And after caring for both my mother and father before they passed, I realize, there will be no-one there for me in my old age. No one to make sure I am ok and get the best care. I’m not trying to say “poor me” as I share all this. Just hope to help others realize what may be in the heart of a childless couple and how to best love and support them through what really is a difficult thing.
Kandy – that is a wonderful explanation. Thank you! I do understand when you say it has, in some ways, gotten more difficult as you’ve gotten older. I turn 43 this year and since our loss have been pregnant a couple times but had early miscarriages. I am now having to come to terms with losing that little bit of hope I had left and realizing all of those things you so eloquently spell out that will be missing. I am just so very thankful that I have a husband here with me; so we can get through it together.
Yes Wendy, it is a blessing to have a wonderful companion to walk with you through such a difficult journey. I’m truly sorry for the losses you have experienced.
Kandy, thanks for sharing this. I have 3 kids, my first in heaven and two here in earth. My SIL’s first was stillborn at 23 weeks. Thanks for your perspective. I pray someone younger than you would come along and adopt you and your husband. Someone who doesn’t have parents or whose relationships are broken. Someone who needs you as much as you’ve longed for children. I pray they would love you until the very end.
I’m not sure of your reason as to why you cannot adopt, but I know that there are Christian agencies that do free adoptions even. There are so many older children that want and need someone who wants to claim them. Someone who they can look after later on in life. Someone that doesn’t mind that they’re not a “cute little newborn” that most people would like to adopt.
There’s also the opportunity to be a parent figure in the lives of children as a foster parent, big brothers & sisters programs, or at risk kids in the community. It sucks, and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through it. I’ve lost my own, had one miraculously, and can’t seem to have any more.
Yes, I’m very familiar with the options as I work for an adoption agency. Ironic, isn’t it? I have had the opportunity to place a newborn baby in the arms of their new mother, talk to a number of birth mothers going through the process of placement, and couples who were longing to fill their homes with little ones. But there were so many obstacles for my husband and I, adoption did not seem possible. We don’t know that an older child is not in our future, but as I said in my earlier post, we try to be a blessing in the lives of the children we have some influence over right now. And we trust that God has a plan for our family…even if it is just the two of us. : )
Your sweet babes are precious! thanks so much for sharing this post. It is easy to wish moments away and hope for the future, but God has big plans for us and living in the present moment is so fulfilling.
I have the privilege of being in both these situations at the same time…I have a 19 year old, 15 year old, and 3 year old and I can truly say that I have felt all of these things and often on the same days. When I start feeling “frustrated” with things with my little one, I think about everything I miss with the older ones now.
LOVE this! I have a very active (almost) 7 month old, he’s into every thing, and I often find myself getting frustrated that he just won’t sit still. Yet, I forget how excited my husband and I were when he started crawling & standing up! And the things he’s getting into are just things and he’s just learning as he makes these messes.
This is just beautiful. Although I’m now 6 months pregnant with twins through IVF, my husband and I tried for 5 years to conceive, including 2 surgeries and many infertility treatments. I also lost a baby 13 years ago (at a young married 20 years old) through miscarriage, and hearing the complaints of so many mothers did sting terribly. We also got to the point almost 2 years ago, right before our first scheduled IVF, that my husband decided it was too much, so we cancelled. He also asked me to never mention it again, which was very difficult – but I didn’t, in spite of my grieving.
I remember wishing I had little handprint smudges on my walls, or toys to trip over on the stairs. Wanting to have to wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers, or shuttle kids back and forth to doctors’ appointments and soccer games. Looking forward to meltdowns in the grocery aisle and temper tantrums at home – endless days of counting to 3. The things that I heard mothers complain about, I longed for desperately.
The middle of last year, my husband had a change of heart and brought it up to me – but I am happy to say that before that happened, The Lord healed me of my bitterness and jealousy.
I’ve made a promise to myself and The Lord to never take these sweet ones for granted, and to never wish away a day of the gifts I’ve been given. *I’m also desperately trying not to complain about how difficult it is to carry twins!*
Thank you for sharing. So many times we are rushing and rushing. As a single mommy – sometimes I am wishing for the day just to be over so they are in bed. So thank you for reminding me of all things precious.
Really needed to read this today. Times of frustration, tiring moments, never a moment alone, not being able to do what I want when I want. I have two beautiful daughters one 5months the other will be 5 next month. Love them so much & have a great husband that compares to no other. Being a stay at home mom is very difficult. Wouldn’t trade it for anything but some days I have to step back & “take a breather”. Thanks for this post
These photos are amazing! Beautiful family 🙂
I so needed that today 🙂 I’m a mother of 4 two 17 year olds, a 11 year of and a 9 year old. I offen feel that way and I needed to read that and reflect. In a blink of an eye they will all be gone.
Three of our grandchildren lived right next door for all their life until my daughter angrily moved them away from us due to a serious problem with her “boyfriend”. (Not their dad.) Her oldest daughter was 9 and her twins (a girl and a boy) were 6 1/2. The children were at my house most of the time, day and night. I used to think about how hard it was with them here all the time and wish I had some quiet times and easier laundry and cooking and cleaning. But when they moved away, I wouldn’t see them for weeks at a time and I quickly learned how very much I wanted them back with us no matter how busy it kept me. I now cherish very minute they are here. They live with their dad now and I get them a lot more. I will never take the time with them for granted again.
Not to mention that some of us can’t even have kids and would give up pretty much anything we could get our hands on to have what you all have.
Beautiful! Such a great reminder, especially for me today. I just went through my 3rd miscarriage. I have had one successful pregnancy and I wished it away because I was sick and miserable and now I would do anything to be sick and miserable now.
Aatitus…gosh I know that’s hard. Just remember not to blame yourself. It’s to question what you did wrong, but I’ve learned that there are some things we will never know the answers to. It’s in those times when we have the chance to deepen our faith in God and trust that he is working everything out for our good 🙂
Thank you for this! I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately….so many saying that this was their favorite part of life and feeling like I’m missing something because some days are just so HARD!! Trying and praying that I would enjoy the moments that God’s blessed me with and not wish them away or long for them to come back.
This was what I needed today. It WAS one of those days and I blew it. I, too, have an almost 4.5 years old and a 9 month old. A friend posted this on FB and I could not believe how timely this was! God must’ve known that I needed this. Thank you for sharing.
I’m glad it spoke to your heart. That’s why I started this blog bc women need the encouragement and reminders!! One day at a time girl!
I “can” have children, but I am single…and 31 (almost 32). Nothing hurts more these days than Mother’s Day. I know I “can” adopt some day, but I also fear that nobody’s going to want to hand over a kid to a woman in a wheelchair (though fully independent). So, I “borrow” other people’s kids to get my “kid time”….but I always have to give them back.
Believe me, you do miss those moments. I was so busy living and getting through each day. I did not realize the days were gone until it was too late. Now we have beautiful grand babies. I wish we could see them everyday. Sometimes I miss them so much my heart hurts.
Wow I really needed to read this today! I started tearing up immediately so very guilty of rushing through my life with a 5 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl! Being a mother is so hard and so rewarding at the same time 🙂 thanks so much for this article!
As a mother of two babies in Heaven, I appreciate you not taking things for granted. What I would give for any of those things. I never will see them get to grow.
Kristi I cannot try to imagine your heartbreak. I had a miscarriage between my girls. I like to think that all the angels in heaven who never had children needed my angel baby more than I did. I know he/she is well taken care if in the arms of a Jesus and I can’t wait to meet my baby one day.
Thank you for adding the part about those of us who will miss out on this all… I hear you and hard is hard but I really appreciate being included somehow as a woman who wanted, and desperately tried to have children, and is now working on accepting a childfree life.
I’m so sorry. You just never know what God has planned for your life. Women like who aren’t timid to share their story encourage me more and more to thank God for every moment with my girls. Thank you.
Somewhere between too little and too big lies the perfect ages my kids are at right now– 12 & 14. I wish I could freeze time! they are so independent yet not old enough to be fresh!
I am so happy I read this because it made me really look at the big picture. I am in the same boat i have a 3y and a 9month it has been very hard and i feel like i never give the time i should to my daughter because my 9month takes, so much of it. I get so tired because he never sleeps and she acts out some times mostly because she does not have my full attention like she did before which makes me frustrated sometimes. This message made me rethink my life. thank you so much, this is what i needed.
I loved this. Really made me think and be thankful for what I have had with my children.
Thank you for this beautiful post…and for the update posted today. My beautiful daughter passed away in 2009, at the age of 11, from a brain tumor. My son is now 12. I saw your post from almost all sides of the equation.
In the days of social media, it’s even easier to complain about where we are. It has physically pained me to read of mom’s wanting to get away from their children. I have just wanted to scream, “I WISH my daughter was here to roll her eyes at me, or make a mess for me to clean up, etc.” Then, I remember the days of having a 1 yr old and 4 yr old running around the house destroying everything, and I couldn’t wait for my husband to get home so i could lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes.
No matter our season of life, there are challenges, and their are blessings! Looking dor the latter in all situations is the key!
Thank you for sharing your heart!
And then there are people like me. I am 30 yrs old and pregnant with my first child. (After 10 yrs. Of I WISHES) I find myself daily finding a new stretch mark, a new pound, a new food that gives me horrible heart burn, but most importantly, every day I feel a little more movement, a little more pregnant! My wishes to be pregnant have turned into I wish this would never end…. I pray that I have a possitive state of mind after childbirth because after all, I WISH to be a great mother! <3
Yep you are so much more grateful after you’ve experienced difficulties or a loss. I miscarried between my two girls so I tried everyday to count my pregnancy as a blessing and not whine about the petty temporary pains. Congrats on your pregnancy!
Tasha my heart breaks for you. Being a parent is so scary at times. The fear of losing a child is my greatest fear of all. I pray God will renew your strength every morning and never cease comforting you (as I know he won’t!) thank you for sharing.
Well, I’m bawling. I’ve experienced every one of these things. Being totally worn out from all the crying and strong willed battles, years of infertility and lost babies and now what has happened to time? My baby turns 21 in just two months and I stare at pictures of his childhood for a long while every single day. I wonder where the time went. I feel like I don’t remember every detail enough. Even he thinks his life flew by. I have never missed anything so much as I miss holding him on my lap and having those sticky hands reach up to my face and tell me he loves mommy more. Oh just to hold him like that one more time. I wish I had known to never put him down.
What a journey you’ve endured. In reminded of what my friend Tracy said in my post that now she says “thank for these times” instead of “I miss them and want to go back”. I know I’m gonna be a mess…I’m a cryer anyway! Thank goodness I’ve got Jesus to help me along the way.
Thanks for sharing this! Such a wonderful reminder to enjoy every moment with those I love the most! Beautiful!
This reminds me of my favorite book entitled “Let Me Hold You Longer”. We read it the first day of school every year. A beautiful message. You can view the entire book on YouTube, but a wonderful book for everyone’s library. One of my favorite gifts for a new mom.
Here is the link, or you can search let me hold you longer on YouTube.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rQeDfcvTRnA&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DrQeDfcvTRnA
Thank Lindsay! I will:)
Thank you so much !!! I am an older mother…48 (49 in April) with an 11 and 9 yr old. Took us a long time to get pregnant with our first. I truly absorb every moment and experience that the girls go through because I had to wait so long to be a mother. I work full time and often say “I wish I was home full time” but when I am home, I do the best job I can to focus on them; have long talks when they go to bed, look them in the eye when they are speaking, fix they’re favorite dinner, high fives for great grades and encouragement when they’re struggling, etc. It does seem to be flying by and I find myself crying over the fact that my oldest will have a permit in just over 3 yrs !! SLOW DOWN LIFE !! But when I regain my composer, I turn to the creator and say “thank you” that I have a daughter that will get her permit in just over 3 yrs and one to follow and ask for wisdom to raise them into fantastic women. 🙂 Ann
This makes me cry. I can almost relate to almost every comment on here. I have also had infertility problems I used to lay in bed and pray for a baby and feeling so lonely and empty it made my heart hurt. We decided to see a fertility specialist many test and couple of rounds of IVF failed I told my husband I couldn’t take the heartbreak anymore. We waited a few years and decided to adopt and we have adopted 4 beautiful and wonderful children. I got one at 6 months old and got his sister from hospital so I have had the opportunity to be a mommy. But I feel so guilty because I still long for a baby of my own one that looks like me but has daddy eyes or I can say she/he looks just like me when I make that face. So adoption is wonderful and I love my kids so much but nothing will every replace the longing I have in my heart for the one I created. I will be praying for all of you ladies that will never get to be a mommy because in some ways I know exactly. I try everyday to not take a day for granted with all my kids because each day is so precious.
These words are all so thought provoking. I am a grandmother of 5 small grandchildren. I remember teaching preschool Sunday School and learning to live through the eyes of the children. They continue today to teach me what is true and real. I remind myself still today to slow down and appreciate my blessings and love the people in my life like the small children do. I have such fond memories of raising three wonderful children who now have blessed me with those 5 beautiful grandchildren. As I read each blog here memories flood my brain and eyes are tearful with joy that God has given gave me TIME to appreciate how my life has been blesssed!
I have the blessing and challenge of being in BOTH stages at the same time. My children are 20, 16, 5 & 5. I remember the day 2 years ago when I put sheets on my 18-yr old’s first college dorm bed, and a few hours later put sheets on my 3-yr old’s toddler bed…a day abounding with poignant moments.
Great words.
I’d like to add: are you wishing away times that someone else can never have (biologically)?
Through much cost and pain, I was lucky enough to have a baby girl of my own, but I will likely never biologically have another. She’s growing so fast, and I miss times that were only months ago because I will never get to have them again.
As a foster mom,I can tell you that fostering is a wonderful way to re-live these stages over and over again and also lavish love onto children who so badly need it! I know that it is seems like a scary road to take but there are so many kids who need the love that we have to give. We are so glad that God has chosen us to be able to experience these things with these children.
This was a well written article!!! I think its so true! I feel like I am often rushing through this season of life with my little ones! I need to prioritize better because my kids should come before so many other silly things. A lot of women commented about infertility, thank you so much for sharing your feelings because I really hope I can communicate better with and help them women with infertility.
One thing I know as a mom though is to never take it for granted, I have two beautiful healthy children and I feel honored and blessed to have them. I try very hard to speak about the positive stuff with people and not the negative, because i never want to sound like I’m ungrateful!
I came across this article on a friend’s facebook post and read it quickly because I was bored but I couldn’t stop. All of you have brought me to tears. I was a mother once, 14 years ago, for a month, when I was 18. I too felt many of the things mentioned in the article but for different reasons. I was so scared about my future. I was probably being a bit selfish (why me…even though I knew why). I would see my friends going to parties and wanted to go too. But my parents were proving a point and they did a good job. I was to stay home and take care of my son. I quickly realized that loving my son meant letting him go. I was blessed to have met a family that allowed me to stay a part of my son’s life so that as he grew I was able to cherish the time I did spend with him. There are still night’s that now, as a 32 year old (no longer a mother), I wish I had known that I would have only been his mom for a month. I wish I would have known that I would get to graduate college and become the teacher that I always wanted to be. I wish I would have known that he would have grown up with two parents, and a good home, and financial security, things that at the time were so important to me. I wish I had known all of this because then I would have held him a little longer every night. I would have taken a few extra pictures. I would have curled his tiny fingers around mine just a little longer had I only known that he wouldn’t be mine forever.
I can honestly say I never wished away a moment with my son. It took several years and finally fertility treatments for us to get that positive pregnancy test. I was the happiest pregnant woman you would ever meet and I was a bit sad on the way to the hospital the day my son was born. I knew I would have to share him, that it wouldn’t be physically possible for me to carry him every second of every day like I had for the previous 41 1/2 weeks…every kick and hiccup wouldn’t be a secret between us anymore. But this sadness was very quickly replaced by joy at being able to kiss those soft cheeks and watching my husband become a father. I enjoyed every single moment (I especially enjoyed being a nursing momma). I felt like I was finally fulfilling my God given purpose. I was a mom and I LOVED it! And then when my sweet boy was 7 months old, they discovered a brain tumor…pathology said it was cancer. Our world became consumed with trying to save him to defy the 0% survival statistics. We lost. Two days after his first birthday, Jesus carried my son to heaven. It’s been two years since that awful day and I wish it all back. I wish what was and what should’ve been. I think how silly that I had once wished to keep my baby small…now I wish I could see him grow. No, don’t wish away a moment, live in and love through them instead.
Stacy, my heart just breaks. I can’t imagine the pain. The Lord is near to the broken hearted. Thank you for your story and giving me and others a different perspective on life with sweet babies. I will lift you in. prayer for sure.
Wow this is so true I jus had my baby girl and she is already 3 months old where does the time go… She is growing up so fast it’s amazing to watch everything new she learns like rolling over n figuring out what her little hands are and eating them… I wouldn’t change it for the world I love the world I’m in right nowy daughter has totally made me complete in every way! Mama loves you Jaileyaha!!!
Time is something that you cannot get back once it is gone. It is wonderful that you have a friend, that can remind you that in the midst of those chaotic days are such precious moments that will only be memories all too soon.
All I want is to have kids, but this blog helps me see that the time will come soon. Thanks for the hope! 🙂
And I wish I could have children of my own instead of cancer.
Kathy Your post is powerful! Thanks for these words. Mothers today seem more stressed than when I was a Mom with 3 little ones 22 months a part! I loved my 6 years I took off from work just to be a mother! I had a simple happy life with husband and 3 children!
Kathy, I am so sorry you have cancer. I pray for your strength, healing, hope. During my chemo and afterwards, I think about younger women and young mothers with cancer. I’m praying that through your illness, the Presence of God will comfort you.
and I have Grandchildren… the answer to both wishes!
Thank you for this. I have a four year old son and an eight month old daughter. I am learning to embrace the moments that also drive me crazy…………messy house, etc. It’s pieces like this that really do put it in perspective. OH, how blessed we truly are:)
Such a beautiful and true piece. Enjoy each and every day you have together.
My husband does not want another child and I SO desperately do. This post makes my cry because, sadly, I am a walking contradiction. I have the days where I wish life was easier. But I also know that each passing day may be my last to experience certain joys of motherhood.
I am in the same boat Kim! It’s painful. I am resting in what God wants for us. It does feel weird to be happy about no more diapers and miss tiny buns at the same time!
My husband feels the same way…he doesn’t want another baby and I SO desperately do!! I feel incredibly blessed that we have our daughter, but I hate the thought of her being an only child. I’m not ready to stop being a mommy to a little one! I am praying to God and hoping He can change my husband’s heart! So I do feel your pain!! You aren’t alone!!
i miss my sons all visiting me together with their sons and my little granddaughter….
This is a beautiful post and OH SO TRUE! I am blessed enough to have 3 sons ages 21, 19 and 9. I look at the older two as they really start their futures being away at college and I cherish the gift I was given in my youngest son who was a complete surprise to me when I had him at 41! I am lucky enough to be able to relish the moments that my older sons have grown out of with their younger brother. Even HE is growing way faster than I would like him to but I figure when he’s out of the little boy things I’ll be starting over with grandchildren! Thank you for your thought provoking words…
Very well said Chery…..all seasons are special and especially so when your memories keep replaying over and over!! Joy, pure joy!
Children are a gift to us for just a time and then they are grown and still needs the construction of what their parents built in their lives. They always need the love and concerns of their parents. No matter how old they get. I had 3 sons and now they are my conforment to life. What a turn in life. I love them very dearly and they are my friends. I can share anything with them and they are interested in my life too. They have always respected me and their father. I can not say enough about them, they are my jewels in life. They each are good parents and are becoming grand parents. What a life I have had with them. I say thank you for being the children you are. Yes they will always be children in a mothers eyes.
I loved reading this. It is so true, thank you for sharing!!!
This is so powerful! I am a 70 yr old great grandmother who lost a 25 year old daughter. At the age of 63 I became a mother again to my 4 grand children. I had the priviledge of doing this mother thing twice. I wouldn’t take anything for the precious memories. Mothers love your you will have plenty of time to do nothing when they are grown!
Life precious no matter what age your children are, whether your house is chaotic or neat, or whether your sleep is interrupted or not, a mother will always have “down times” and “up times”. Learning to be thankful during ALL seasons of life is something every mother/ person can work on in their life. This phrase was helpful for me during some difficult periods in my life—“This too shall pass”. And life does go on. Enjoy it while you have life!
Excellent. I once told my colleague I could not watch the videos of my grown children. He stopped in his tracks and explained how that puzzled him. Hm. The 9 years between us seem an ocean. I loved being that parent, I explained… the one who was still taller than her children, who was needed all the time for hugs, advice, stories, laughter, comfort. Yes, when they were at the age his children were right then. Have I ever steered you wrong, I asked. He shook his head. Well, I am right about this, too. Love this time, it is going to be your fondest wish to be right back here in a very few years.
He has told me how smart I am since then. Life moves on…
I needed this today so thank you. I have a 7 and 10 year old and there is so much that I “wish” I could get back. The 7 year old won’t let me hold his hand crossing the parking lot anymore and the 10 year old will start middle school next year. I wish I had paused to take it all in more but I am so excited to see where God takes them on their journey of life.
After three years of infertility treatment – including surgery and five failed IVF attempts, we adopted a baby girl in December. Our very worst days with her (screaming baby!) are far better than our very best days without her!
This really hit home. I wish I could have this tattooed on the inside of my eyelids.
Haha. I couldn’t help but laugh. I’ve never heard that before!
My rule has always been (and this is what I share at baby showers when you’re supposed to give the mm advice) is to never say, “I can’t wait until they… (walk, talk, use the potty, whatever) because it will happen so fast anyway without me wishing away the moments we have now. 😉
Beautiful Paige, loved reading every single word of your story! Wonderful pictures and words…. Thank you for reminding me 🙂
Cherish your babies. At age 25, after graduating from law school, my 24 year old son estranged himself from us. He grew up with depression and now refuses to take the prescribed medicine for it. It’s been 7 years since I’ve seen him. I know that adult children are estranging themselves from their families is reaching epidemic proportions.
This is beautiful. I went through a time where I could not have children and that is all I wanted. I lost five children. I was finally able to have a beautiful little girl, and I almost lost her. Just as every other mom on the planet, I have bad days too.. but I try to remind myself of the time before I had her, and I don’t miss it! My very worst days with her are so much better than my very best days without her. She is such a blessing to me. There are so many women who will never be able to experience being a mother, and so many women that have children that take it for granted. Every moment you have with your child is precious.
Never wish away that precious time. I was a young mother with 2 children, only 20 months apart. I always wanted to be a mom. My second child was born with a chronic genetic disease. We tried so hard to treat both of our children the same, to spend as much time as we could with them. But life was filled with lots of struggles, health, financial, etc. I would give anything to have spent More time with both of them!! I lost my daughter to this disease at 16 years of age. (In January of her older brother’s Sr. Year in High School). It has been 7 years. I wish every day to have her back. To spend more time listening to bedtime chatter, playing, singing, Laughter!! My son is 25 and lives only an hour or so away and we talk almost daily ~ which is such a blessing. I am so proud of the smart, hard working, helpful, soft hearted, caring young man he has grown to be. I will forever be a mom, but I miss those days when my kids were young. You never look back and wish you had worked more or cleaned more. You wish that you had hugged more, listened more…
Thank you for this! As I have a 6.5 year old and a 20 month old. I have thought all of the I wishes in the past few months.
This is all so true! My 3 beautiful children are 35, 34, and 32. I remember with longing their baby years, school age years and yes, even their busy teenage years. But, now I see them all with their own beautiful babies and I am grateful to God every day that I have been given the opportunity to watch them grow, mature and turn into loving spouses and parents. All stages of life are God given and God blessed!
I shaped my whole life to have a family and recently found out I cannot. I’m lost. I want to experience these moments but I can’t and I don’t know what to do now. I’m lost. Makes me wish I could turn back time.
Makes me wish I could turn back time and choose a different path in life. Living your youth planning for your future family, only to find out that fate has apparently deemed you unworthy of motherhood, leaves you with a giant hole in your heart that will never be filled. Leaves you with no purpose. It leaves you feeling worthless. So, yes, enjoy those moments of unconditional love. Be thankful you have that & a reason to keep going. Without any reason to keep going, life is a cold & lonely thing.
Also…find my post on here about Encouragement from Psalm 139.
SAN…how heartbreaking. I cannot imagine. The only words I can offer are these: While you feel lost, God knows exactly where you are. This is no shock to him, he knew this would happen when he created you. Although you may never know why, times like these , when we are at our lowest, is when we only have God to trust in. Our plans fail, but he never does. Keep your eyes on him and he will carry you through and pour out blessings in ways you never imagined.
Paige, this reading really touched me! It helped me a lot and made me think about my “season” of being a mom of two little kids. Sometimes is hard, but I need to remember to enjoy and to be grateful! I would like to ask your permission to publish it on my blog (In Portuguese from Brazil). I have a lot of Brazilian friends who certainly will be blessed to read this.
Thank you very much and God bless you!
Yes Danny please do
Thanks! Have a great weekend 🙂
Thank you Lisa for sharing this.
I was told that I would never have children due to fertility issues but than I met a fantastic Dr. Essam Micheals who changed my world and gave me hope. Four very long years of trying and upsets and finally she arrived. Everything I could ever wish for a baby girl. I did have a very difficult pregnancy , was off work and off my feet for part of my pregnancy as i was very high risk but none the less she was a fighter , strong and healthy. Oh how I wished every day every hour every minute and second to have a healthy pregnancy and it finally happened. I remember dreaming about her when she moved around in my belly and would wake at night hoping all was okay. All was fine and once she was born all I wished came true.
She did have issues with feeding as allergies were an issue from 4 months old including exzema and as she grew they became more frequent and severe so I left my career and now I stay home to care and love her each and every day. Now that she is 3 my only wish is to forever be with her and give her the best life a mom can provide.
Don’t ever give up on your dreams and wishes!
I didn’t take NO for an answer and it didn’t matter who it came from as I knew I had to be a mom and I would devote my entire life doing so.
PS.. i was almost 40 when I had my daughter so its never too late 🙂
Best wishes ,
Kathy
It took me 7 years of pills, shots and so much more to finally have my 1st baby. It is worth every bit of it. I never wished it away he is 16 and I have a girl who is 14. Enjoy the blog its a great reminder to all. I pray for all those that haven’t had children and are longing for them.
What a lovely take on motherhood and it’s so true, it seems like just as you say all the things you wish they happen and your wishing for something new. This is truly about being thankful for what we have all the time. Thanks so much for sharing I really needed this.
This is all so true. I lost my first two children to stillbirth, then an ugly divorce. I now have two new, perfect little ones (18 months and 7 months). I have had countless moments of “I miss”– so many that I don’t have very many “I wish” moments now. I don’t take any of it for granted, and try to relish each fleeting moment, because none are guaranteed… and besides, they go by in the blink of an eye! Thank you for this beautiful reminder that all of us need, no matter our circumstances or season of “now.”
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this. Reading this has come to me in such a desperate time when I needed to hear just these words!